Leadership Matters: The building blocks of rapport and influence

Developing rapport is distinct from having a relationship with a person. There are important differences between these concepts, a fact that is critical to understand within the sphere of persuasion and influence.

When we have rapport with another person, we provide them with the experience of being understood. A relationship is a verb that we treat as an abstract noun. When a process word is treated as a noun, this is referred to as a nominalization; instead of being a concrete thing that is tangible, something that may be photographed or placed on a table, a relationship is actually the process of relating with one or more people over time. When we relate to each other effectively, we call it a “good relationship,” and when we relate ineffectively, we call it a “bad relationship.” The relationship only exists as the process of relating.

Rapport can be established instantly by relating with someone effectively in the now. Rapport is also significantly elastic. If you breach rapport, it can usually be repaired quite quickly and easily by changing and refining how we relate to each other.

Remember, most people mistakenly treat a “relationship” as a noun, when the fact is that it will always be the process by which we relate to others and they relate to us. Relating effectively and providing others with the experience of being understood ultimately builds trust. This differentiation is empowering because it helps us take ownership and accountability for how we relate with others.

 

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