We hear often from our teams, friends, and family, “I’m tired”. We quickly take this at face value,because when we think about it, who isn’t tired? We all feel like we’re in a giant rat racecomparing our crazy, busy schedules to our neighbor’s crazy, busy schedules. At what point didit become a power status to be the busiest person in the room? When did that becomebragging rights?
And sadly, exhaustion may very well be a mask or disguise for loneliness. The HarvardBusiness Review shared in an article from April 2018, “Loneliness is a painful and perniciousemotion. Defined as “a complex set of feelings that occurs when intimate and social needs arenot adequately met,” loneliness is different from depression, being alone, or feelings of solitude.It has more to do with a person’s quality of social relationships rather than their quantity”.
With a world that’s more connected than ever before, one would assume that we would feel lesslonely. However, what research is finding is the quality of our relationships has declined. Whilewe have many connections, very few provide for intimate connections.
Why you should care?
According to another Harvard Business Review article from March 2018, “Lonelier workersperform more poorly, quit more often, and feel less satisfied with their jobs — costing employersupwards of £2.5 billion ($3.5 billion U.S.) in the United Kingdom alone”. The topic is alsobroached in Brené Brown’s most recent book Daring to Lead. Consultants and researchershave confirmed over the years that to increase the likelihood of a team member staying withyour organization, you need to ensure that they have a “work best friend”.
What can we do as leaders?
1. Don’t shy away from the tough conversations or questions. It’s important that we areapproachable and humble with team members so they know they can talk to us. There isan insane amount of guidance in Brené Brown’s book Daring to Lead and in Adam Grantand Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Option B. I highly recommend you read them both.
2. Many cannot afford professional help. Be sure that you know what resources yourorganization offers and be able to provide team members with your EmployeeAssistance Program.
3. If you’re within the executive management team, reconsider your employee benefits toprovide better mental health care. If you’re not within the executive management team,don’t be shy in letting them know how much it would mean to you to have better accessto mental health care.
4. Have your organization sponsor an extra-curricular group, whether it’s softball, bowling,or a book of the month club. These all encourage camaraderie outside of the workplacethat help build relationships inside the workplace.
5. Implement a buddy system for new team members. This gives each new team membera peer they can ask questions of as they build up their circle of safety within yourorganization. It also helps your current team member build up coaching skills throughpeer mentoring. Win-win.
6. Incorporate job shadowing into the workplace. Many team members work on specifictasks and may never interact with other departments. Not only will this help them viewtheir job duties from a different lens, but it builds empathy and better understanding ofother areas of your organization.
7. Be vulnerable. When you’re vulnerable with your team, they’re more willing to bevulnerable with you. This doesn’t mean that you should follow up their story with a storyof your own, but it does mean that given the right timing, you need to be vulnerable withyour team. We all fall on our face and we need to make sure they know about a timewhen we did so and how we stood back up.
8. Don’t forget to start the day with “Good Morning” and end the day with “Good Night”.This is such a simple step in setting up the day for your team on a positive note withconnection right away and ending the day knowing all is well.
This isn’t the end all be all of avoiding loneliness in the workplace, but it’s a start.
